So, I'll start by disclosing this mom fail:
Andie, Andersen Blythe, Andie "Snake Bite" Sapaugh...our 5 almost 6 year old, still uses a sucky (what we call a pacifier) Mainly at night, but definitely, if she is sick or sometimes resting in the afternoon, she will ask for it - and I kinda don't say no, and instead throw out a random mocking one liner - about her having her sucky at her wedding or how ridiculous it is to be a great rollerblader and still have a sucky....like I said, mom fail. And my comments don't phase her at all - bc she is a legit addict, so she rolls with it, rolls her eyes, and sucks on.
Now another mom fail. Andie had strep throat on March 10th. And because I am awesome, I religiously gave her her 10 day antibiotic...for about 3 days. So yesterday when she said "my head hurts" and today when she said "my head hurts, my tummy hurts"....I knew I'd have to fess up. I took her back in to the doctor, paid a new copay, she tested positive for strep again, and we picked up a new prescription for the same ailment that we still have a leftover prescription for. Whatever.
The doctor asked "Did she have a hard time getting the medicine down? Or what?" And I just said "Oh no, I just sucked."
So, there's that.
All this brings us to bed time tonight. I told Andie the doctor said we need to get a new toothbrush bc it has all the strep germs on it...but also, the suckies need to go too. She immediately got sad and a little indignant, but I reminded her that she doesn't want to be sick again and she gets a prize for giving them up, so its win-win! And all that on top of the fact that she is almost 6 and its past time anyways. She then reflects a minute, her voice got quivery and she asked, "Can I at least save one so I can remember it?" She then stuck her hands in her eyes and said she didn't want to cry. (of course I did, just like I am now)
How crazy, right?! It is clearly time for her to not have a pacifier - for the love! It makes me so annoyed - but tonight, it was that weird last time, closing of a chapter thing.
This is not our first go round with sucky lovers. Tanner was quite an addict herself - she would smell her pacifier and ask us to smell it like it was just the best crack ever. We cried as a family when Tanner turned hers in. This is actually really sad stuff. It's a door closing. It's moving on. It's sad.
Tonight I was laying down after bathing the foster boys, bc my back hurts pretty dang bad these days, and overheard Tanner in the next room giving Madden her bath. Afterwards she got Andie & Presley in and out of their showers in a timely manner - and all without me even asking her to. The little girl who used to think she was a dog named Cooler and would make us sniff her suckies is now taking initiative to meet a need when she sees one. WHAT?!
That is a beautiful thing. This is what gives me some hope, this glimpse into the future - into the next chapter.
I thought of Tanner, when I told Andie (and myself) that it was gonna be OK for her to move on sucky-free. Yes, a big part of her "baby/little girl" chapter closes with the start of no more suckies, and that honestly makes me nauseous, but it's OK. It's OK because God has plans to grow her in the next chapter of girlhood, just like He is doing with Tanner; and yes, it is different, and yes, it will never be the same, but it is also amazing and good and right.
And as I think about closing chapters, my mind races with bittersweet thoughts about this being my last pregnancy, my last baby. I am reminded that it is OK for me to close chapters too. It is OK for me to be done with baby days, because there are beautiful things ahead for me as a mom (wife, singer, whatever) outside of pregnancy and newborns. God is not done with me yet either. There is more to come.
Who knew there would be so many things to reflect on with a repeat Strep diagnoses.